Dealing with Uncertainty

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This evening I spoke with someone who is in the midst of making some big life decisions. They may be relocating, they may be making a big career change, their financial situation is likely to change dramatically, they have plenty of people depending on them, and all in all, they're facing a great deal of uncertainty. As someone who doesn't always handle uncertainty with a great deal of grace herself, the thought of being put in such a position is enough to make me clam up, shut down, crawl into bed and wish to never emerge. But there is one trick I recently picked up that really helps when you are facing an ambiguous future; spend some time focusing on the things that ARE certain.

For someone who breaks a sweat at even life's most mundane of decision points (7th Generation paper towels or 365 house brand?) it's easy to spiral into a repetitive, unproductive loop of "what ifs" when it comes time to make choices that really matter. Before you know it, your envisioning hundreds of alternate future selves. You can't begin to make a decision with so many unknowns. You begin to focus all of your energy on the factors you are unsure of - I don't know where I'll live, I don't know what the people will be like, I don't know how long I'll be happy with my decision... You may even point your laser of uncertainty on the past - questioning choices that have long been put to rest, doubting the moves you've made, blaming yourself for not handling situations the way you would in retrospect...

Stop. Focus on what you are sure of. Do you have a degree in molecular biology? That's fantastic! No one can ever take that away from you. Does your love of the opera give you reason to go on living? How lucky you are to have found such a longstanding passion! Do you have a family you would give anything to stay close to? 5 years of professional experience? A closet full of clothes that fit? A voracious appetite for reading with more than 600 titles under your belt? A devoted lover? Are you fluent in French or conversational in Cantonese?

It doesn't matter what it is you are sure of so much as that you are willing and able to recognize those constants. When you give yourself permission to take stock of the things that are certain, you'll find a much more stable base from which you can face the exciting future ahead. When you make this paradigm shift, you may find a sense of renewed confidence, discover an important decision making factor you previously discounted, or maybe just find enough of a break from the internal dialogue of anarchy that you finally catch your breath. In any case, you will be much better suited to make a rational decision - and remain sane - when you take the time to consider the steadfast certainties in your life in addition to the thrilling uncertainties to come.

Budgets: Part I

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I've written a bit about determining your long and mid-term financial goals (if you haven't read it yet, you can read it here) and I hope you’ve had a chance to reflect on and determine what your own goals are. If you have, you might be thinking - but how do I get there from here? The answer will differ for all of us, and not just because we are each starting at a different financial location and aiming for a unique destination. While most of us probably have a plan for achieving our financial goals along the lines of “spend less save more”, that model can have a distinct look for each of us depending on our situation and our priorities.

There are likely a million and one ways to spend less on the things we need, to discover the joys of cost-free entertainment and experiences, to increase the return on our investments, and to develop a sense of empowerment and a healthy attitude towards money. Those are all topics I’m anxious to write about and explore further, but they will all be ineffective for those without the solid foundation that is a well-formed budget.

A budget is your guide to reaching financial goals; mapping out your weekly, monthly, and annual benchmarks that will keep you on track with your long-term plans. The prospect of sitting down to create a budget may be daunting to some, but the great thing is that once you have crafted your budget you can relax knowing that you have a well defined path to financial success. If you start feeling discouraged about your finances and think, “I can’t do this – I’m in over my head”, you can look to your budget as a reminder that you CAN do it. You have written proof that your goals ARE attainable.

I’ll be diving into the specifics of creating and honing a budget in future posts. Now is the time to brainstorm a list of all the expenses you have in your life, right now. Be objective and honest. You’ll want your budget to be detailed enough that everything you’re currently spending money on is taken into account – even those things that you are looking to cut out of your spending habits like costly trips to the manicurist or daily stops at the 7-Eleven. Understanding where your money is going now is key to developing a budget that will work for you and your priorities. One easy way to do this is to look over a month or two of history on your credit and debit card statements. If you pay for most things with plastic, this will give you a really clear picture of how much you spend on what. If you’re still not sure where your paychecks are going, make a log of everything you purchase over the next couple of weeks.

Below is a list of common budget items that can help you get started or fill in gaps with expenses you may have missed – print it off and jot down next to each item what you currently spend on each. Don't forget to stop by tomorrow when we'll explore how to translate what you learn from this exercise into a budget that is tailored to you. I'll also be sharing some wonderful web-resources that make developing a digital budget a breeze!

Rent or Mortgage Payment

Renters/Home Insurance

Utilities – Electric, Gas, Trash, Water

Cable/Internet Service

Phone Service

Car Payment

Gas

Car Insurance

Car Maintenance

Public Transportation Pass

Debt Payments

Groceries

Prescriptions and Medical Expenses

Personal Care - Salon Visits, Massages, etc.

Eating Out and Drinking

Entertainment – Movies, Dancing, Concerts, Shows, etc.

Classes/Tuition

Gym and Club Memberships

Clothing

Organizational Dues

Donations

Pet-Related Expenses

Travel

Gifts

Health Tip: Slow Down

Health tip for the day: Slow Down. That's right, slowing down may seem like a nice way to relax, but it may also be one of the best things you can do for your body and mind.

When we slow down, physically, our breath becomes slow and deep - filling our lungs more fully, bringing more oxygen to our brain and muscles. Our muscles relax and our body's positioning becomes less rigid and tense. In a very primitive way, we are telling our biological selves it is alright to be at ease. Our stress levels drop.

When we slow down, we no longer make choices hastily, or out of impulse. We weigh our options, and we are more likely to make smart, not risky, decisions.

When we slow down, we drive slower. We use less gas. Our air becomes cleaner, and the whole world can breathe (slower) easier.

When we slow down, we eat slower too. We chew more, which aids in digestion and helps us to make use of all the nutritional benefits of our food. As we give our bodies time to sense when our nutritional needs have been met, we are less likely to overeat.

When we slow down, our movements are controlled and deliberate. We do not strain our muscles, tendons, bones or otherwise. Our pace helps keep our body's natural alignment.

When we slow down, we allow our physical and mental capacities to take a break. Our bodies can begin to restore from the stresses of our day. We return to our natural rhythms, and are more in tune with our body's needs. Sleep comes easier, deeper, and longer.

When we slow down, we find the time to develop stronger relationships. We can dedicate more attention to those we are with, and we are more likely to share our authentic self with them.

When we slow down, we are given the chance to rediscover who our authentic self is. When we slow down, we give ourselves the time to live authentically too. We feel more fulfilled, and our happiness grows.

Go ahead. Slow down. It's good for your health.

Healthy Nose, Healthy Head

Photo found here.

Thanks to the cold weather outside, the warm, dry air inside, and the frequent nose-blowing associated with both, our nostrils really take a beating this time of year. Hopefully you have been fortunate enough to avoid a seasonal cold or allergy-bout, but the many different "bugs" working their way through our offices and schools can leave your sinuses in need of some major TLC. Enter, the Neti Pot.

What's a Neti Pot?

A traditional Neti Pot looks like a small ceramic tea pot with an extra long spout, and is used to pour a lukewarm water and saline solution up one nostril and out the other. The concept may sound bizarre and new-agey, but the Neti Pot has been around since ancient times and has been long considered a practice of yogic tradition. So how does one use a Neti Pot? And more importantly, why?

Let's start with why you might use a Neti Pot. Using a gentle saline and water solution to clean your nasal passages clears out all the gunk that blowing your nose can't. It can help alleviate sinus pressure, sooth irritated skin inside your nose, and enable you to breath easier.

As for how to use a Neti Pot, it takes a little bit of trial and error to get your own personal technique mastered. The video below is a great resource for getting started. If you've never heard of a Neti Pot before or seen somebody use one, it may seem a little scary. However, if you relax and take your time with it, I think you will find the process to be painless and well worth the effort.

A few tips for first time Neti-Potters:

Test the temperature of the water carefully, and always err on the side of caution. You do not want it to be too hot! I find room temperature water or just slightly warmer works most comfortably for me.

Be sure to lean your head forwards when you begin pouring the water. If you don't lean forward, you run the risk of the solution coming down the back of your throat and leaving you with a salty taste in your mouth.

This may seem obvious, but you'll want to position yourself and your Neti Pot over a sink, outside, or for those advanced Potters... in the shower. All that water going in will be coming out!

Take the time to clean your Neti Pot and keep it sanitary. I chose a ceramic pot that can be washed in the dishwasher.

If the Neti Pot seems a little too daunting, there are alternative products on the market that provide the same service. The NeilMed bottle, for example, can be used without tipping one's head to the side (you simply lean forward and squeeze the sides of the plastic bottle to push the water through the nasal passages), which may be easier for some.

Additional Resources

Since I started using a Neti Pot, I feel my head is much clearer and it's like I have a little secret weapon when I start to get sniffly. I love that it's a safe and easy to use product, and has been time-tested. But don't just take my word for it. Here are some additional resources to check out:

Do Neti Pots Reall Work? From WebMD

The History of the Neti Pot from eHow

Neti Pot: Can it Clear Your Nose? from Mayo Clinic

Also, I'm no expert. If you have any concerns or questions about whether or not a Neti Pot would work well for you, consider seeing your doctor, wellness expert, or healer of choice first.

More or Less

Sometimes more just feels right. We yearn for more hours in a day. We want more time with the ones we love. We need more money in our pockets. We crave more sweetness on our tongues. We desire more shoes to fill our closets. We ache for more sleep in the morning. Sometimes it feels as if life would be so much better if there was simply "more".

But there's a counterpart to more that we often forget about when we proclaim that more will solve our conundrums, and that counterpart is less.

It may seem counter intuitive that less can fill the same needs as more. After all, any kindergartner well versed in opposites can tell you that more is to up as less is to down. But sometimes less provides us with the real solution when more is still but a dream.

We won't gain more hours in a day any time soon, but less commitments can provide us with the hours we yearn for. Less time spent planning for picture perfect memories (for example an ideal vacation), or working to save up for said memory producing events, can give us the time to recognize and appreciate the simple moments we have with those we love. Less money in our pockets may not be ideal, but it enables us to internalize that money and the various things we buy does not define who we are. Less sweetness, just like less saltiness or spiciness or tartness, will refine our palates and develop a finer and wider sense of culinary delights. Less clothing in our closets can remove the stress of deciding what to wear each day and help us to see that is it not just how we adorn ourselves that makes us beautiful. Less sleep... well okay less sleep is really no fun no matter which way you dice it.

There are times for more and times for less in all of our lives. Sometimes we turn to more because we need to feel filled from the moment we awake to the moment we drift to sleep. Lately I've been feeling the need for less, and it's filling me up in a way more rarely does.

Lazy Sunday: Typing Away

Today's one of those autumn days when the trees aren't brilliant enough yet to warrant a leaf peeping, the wind's a little too whip-y to permit for outdoor anything, and the rolling clouds are just ominous enough to trigger a contemplative mood. Well break out the notepad and bic, moleskin and fountain, typewriter and ribbon, laptop and high-res, or whatever your recording implement of choice, because it is the perfect day to write. I am two emails into my long list of inscriptions, and there's no stopping me now. Writing is the perfect Sunday activity because it can be so emotionally cathartic. Give it a shot! Whether you opt for a letter, email, journal entry, poem, short story, free write, article, blog post, or more, it's sure to release some pent-up creativity and put you in touch with what's been on your mind.

Priorities, Part 3

Photo via Chris Bell Online

Over the past few days I've written about why prioritizing is an important tool in today's information age and how to take stock of where your personal resources are going. Today I am going to provide some guidance on aligning your priorities with your personal resource allocation. If you are not clear on what I mean by personal resources, check out Priorities, Parts 1 & 2.

Now that you've taken a clear look at where your time, energy, and funds are going and made note of what your priorities seem to be, it's time to sort out what you want your priorities to be and take action.

Carve out a good half hour to sit down and make a list of your priorities, what you want your priorities to be. What is important enough to warrant your precious time, your limited energy, and your hard-earned dollars? Don't censor yourself - jot down everything that comes to mind.

If you're having trouble getting started, imagine yourself the way you've always wanted to be. What do you see? Who do you spend your time with? How are your days spent? Where do you go? What does your living space, wardrobe, and community look like? I find this exercise really helpful for getting my creative juices flowing.

Once you've got a solid list of priorities, read through it a few times and see what really jumps out. Go ahead and start circling, starring, and crossing out as you wish. When you whittle it down a bit, it's time to take a second look at the personal resource log you made. How can you reallocate your resources to make the priorities you chose to focus on a reality? What activities are sucking up your time and energy now and preventing you from living the life you have imagined? Be bold, and if possible, cut them out of your life entirely. Now you can put your newly found resources to much better use - Towards the priorities you've deemed truly worthy of your time, energy, and funds. Towards the priorities that comprise your ideal life.

You might not have the time, energy, or funds to do everything you want, all the time. But by being honest about where your personal resources are going and prioritizing your desires for the future, you can be sure to make the most of your personal resources, and take a big step towards the life you've imagined.

Priorities, Part 1

Photo via BarryDean

Wouldn't it be nice to be a black belt in Kung Foo, prized sailboat racer, #1 parent, and homemade cookie entrepreneur? Or perhaps you aspire to be a top New York attorney, back-country skier, Habitat for Humanity volunteer of the year, and moonlight as a radio DJ?

We're fortunate to live in an age of endless possibilities. With the world at our fingertips, the internet age has brought with it so much information that many of us feel completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of advice, knowledge, propaganda, ideas, instruction, advertisement... (in short, info) that a single Google search can bring. And yet, the more we are exposed to, the more we tend to want as well.

Here's an example I think most of us can relate to: You're running errands with a friend who needs to pick something up at Target. You don't want anything from the store, but you go in to be a pal anyways. By the time you hit Aisle 3, you've got a cart full of must have merchandise you didn't have the least bit of desire for before you entered the automatic doors to consumer heaven.

Photo via KrazyCouponLady

I think the same concept can be applied to the buffet of information the internet provides. You see, many of us might see bits and pieces of other people's lives online and suddenly realize we want our lives to be like that too! We want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro just like that cool-looking earthy guy did on his blog. We want to bake fresh bread for our family every day with that great e-book recipe. We want to take up base jumping like in those sweet YouTube videos. We want to take adult education classes like Oprah told us to on her podcast. We want to do all this and more.

I'm not suggesting that the internet has done anything wrong - but there's no denying that it has exposed us to so many more opportunities than our ancestors would have ever realized. The catch is, we don't have any more time in a day than they did to take advantage of these opportunities. We don't have considerably more money to fund them either. So where does this leave us?

It leaves us in a position to practice some serious prioritizing - prioritizing where our time, money, and effort will go. Prioritizing may seem to some like a limiting exercise. After all, if you're setting priorities it ultimately means some things you want to do just won't make the cut. In reality, prioritizing is a powerful tool for making the most of your resources and overcoming opportunity overload.

Tune in next time when I'll be exploring some tips for setting empowering priorities that fit your desires.

Soul Food

Photo via Vegetarian Women

What are you doing to nourish your spirit this week? What steps have you taken to honor yourself? What have you been feeding your divine energy?

Ok, you do not have to book a 76 day spiritual retreat to an Indian ashram in order to connect with your inner essence and experience a sense of contentment (although Tina of Think Simple Now did and it sounds amazing - check out her reflections here). But even making little contributions to your spirit's piggy bank can yield major returns when it comes to your world view and the way you interact with those around you.

So what kind of soul food are we talking about here? I think of soul food as anything that brings new energy and life to all that is best within us. Maybe it's an activity that gives you renewed sense of purpose and joy. Maybe it's a mantra you use to help you tackle tough challenges. Maybe it's a person that encourages you to follow your own path in life. Whatever your soul food - it's important to make time to enjoy it... and there's no time like the present!

Photo via Self Hypnosis

Still not sure what your own soul food is? Give a few of these suggestions a try and see what resonates with you. Once you find the kind of soul food that makes your heart swell with fulfillment and helps put your mind at peace, make a point to consume it regularly.

• Close your eyes and listen to music that carries you to a whole nother level
  
• Write in a gratitude journal, or simply list out things you're grateful for
• Take a yoga, or tai chi class
• Cook a nutritious meal for someone you love
  
• Try meditation, either by taking a class or using one of these methods
• Call an old friend you've been meaning to catch up with
• Invest in a long, restful night of sleep - your body will thank you
• Read a book that stirs something inside you
  
• Open up to your significant other about your dreams
• Volunteer doing something you love
  
• Eat a piece of the finest chocolate you can find
• Connect with your pets - or borrow a friend's if you need to!
• Paint, draw, write, or sing out how you feel
• Get a massage

Starting Small

Photo via Engaging Conflict

What are you doing today to achieve the life you dream of?

No, planning, pondering, ruminating, thinking, contemplating, speculating and musing do not qualify as "doing" in this context. What are you actually, physically, doing about your dream?

Often times it can be difficult to make the transition from thinking about the life we want for ourselves and actually making it a reality. Certainly, it is easier to daydream about what a better job would be like than it is to take action (get the training necessary for a new position, put together a revised resume, set up lunch meetings with people who might be able to help) - but only the latter option will set you on the course for attaining your goals. The former will likely lead to frustration and growing dissatisfaction.

Sometimes we put off taking action for so long that it seems almost impossible to start. We begin making excuses for why we cannot take action now (I can't exercise this week because I have too much work to do! I won't start my diet until next month because I have too many parties to attend and it will ruin my efforts! I couldn't possibly start saving my money now because the new fall designs are in at Nordstrom!) and slowly we start to believe them. If we make excuses long enough, they create a mental block that can prevent us from taking action and leave us feeling like we have no control over our own destiny. Fortunately, this is not the case - we do have control.

So how can we begin to take action when simply getting out of bed in the morning can sometimes seem too daunting a task? Start small. Make a little action today, do something small that will set you in the right direction and recognize yourself for what you accomplished.

Why start small instead of embarking on a new undertaking with a big bang? Starting small gives us the benefit of being able to take action, to start doing, today. No matter the circumstances we are living in there is always a small action that can be taken to make progress towards a goal. Also, starting small is an easy way to break the cycle of excuses and self-doubt we create for ourselves. For example, if you spend 15 minutes working out this morning you realize that despite a busy work schedule you can make an investment in your health. Slowly, the excuses you once made will begin to melt away.

What are you doing today to achieve the life you dream of?

Go ahead and take a single, small action that will bring you closer to your dream. Congratulate yourself for taking that first step, and get excited to take another tomorrow. Over time your confidence will build and your small actions may grow. 15 minute jog this morning? By next week 20 minutes will be a challenge you are ready for. Edited your resume this weekend? Sending off 10 job applications by Friday is much more attainable now. Tried a new, healthy breakfast this morning you loved? Swapping your usual danish (or worse yet, coffee and a stick of gum) for more nutritious fare will come much easier now that you have a yummy alternative.

Sometimes we do not take small actions because they seem insignificant; do not be fooled. Small actions are the catalysts for big change. Need more convincing? Maybe the words of Lao Tzu, Chinese Philosopher and Taoist big-cheese, will speak to you:

Great trees grow from the smallest shoots;
a terraced garden, from a pile of earth,
and a journey of a thousand miles
begins by taking the initial step.

Monotasking

Image via Owlnet

Like many people I know, I have a tendency to try and accomplish eight things at any one given time. Frequently I will be packing my lunch, brushing my teeth, and trying to compose a grocery list simultaneously - only to later wonder where my soup spoon ran off to (left on top of the fridge), why there is something stuck between my molars (oops, forgot to floss), and how come the pantry is empty (mental grocery lists never seem to materialize in full in my shopping bags). Perhaps it is having to eat soup with a fork, my fear of cavities, or the unsatisfying nature of roasted vegetables paired with a granola bar and edamame, but I have hit my breaking point. Every Monday and Wednesday morning I am reminded by my yoga teacher, Natasha, in her soothing accent of unknown origin, to move my arms "mindfully", to "let the excess go", and to "focus my whole being" on a pose. I'm starting to think she has a point.

See, after a few days of monitoring my own multitasking habits it became evident that I was not really saving time at all - I was just displacing it. Sure, I may have saved a minute or two when I sent an email in class, but the time I spent getting caught up on the course material I missed and composing the subsequent email I had to send when I realized my first message did not really make sense... well... it ended up taking longer than had I done both tasks "mindfully" to begin with.

In addition to saving time, I also thought that my multitasking was helping me get the most out of each minute in the day - a neat trait that ensured I experienced life to the fullest and would not miss out on anything. Well. it turns out that is not the case either. You see, inherent in multi-tasking is that nothing is experienced fully. Certainly I was not experiencing the book I read fully while I simultaneously listened to music and intermittently sent text messages, nor was I getting the most out of my workout as I slowed my jogging pace on the treadmill to read a magazine. In either scenario I would have gotten a much fuller and satisfactory experience if I has "let the excess activities go".

The most profound realization for me, however, was recognizing that a multitasking person is not a fun person. In fact - a multitasking person is generally an annoying person. Think about the last time you had lunch with someone who was constantly sending messages from their Blackberry or texting someone else while you tried to carry a conversation. Majorly annoying, right? What about the lady driving to work while eating a McMuffin, applying mascara, and talking on the phone? Also majorly annoying and dangerously oblivious. And then there's the coworker that is always so preoccupied you end up having the same conversation day after day because they are never really listening to you. Annoying to the nth degree.

Photo via MSNBC

Well I am embarrassed to admit I have recently become that person. I have been called out on my annoying behavior by my boyfriend while talking to him on speakerphone and washing my face, brushing my teeth, checking my email... the list goes on. It has finally hit home that if I am not giving someone else my whole attention I am wasting their time and missing out on developing a deeper relationship. Plus, I am majorly annoying - not a description I strive for. You see, if we are not "focusing our whole being" on the person or people we are with, we risk missing out on truly connecting with others - one of life's greatest gifts. We also risk being an annoying person no one wants to hang out with.

Photo via Ron Martin

Given my recent multitasking myth-busting, I decided to turn over a new leaf and embrace monotasking. Maybe it seems a little boring and lackluster amid a world of bluetooth technology in an endless sea of gadgets that encourage us to do more in any one moment in time, but it feels surprisingly refreshing to focus on just one thing at a time. There are many benefits to monotasking I have noticed, most notable of which is an increased satisfaction with each thing I do. Consciously completing a task effectively and knowing it has been done with care is oddly fulfilling - sort of like when you are young and tying your shoes was a triumph worthy of acknowledgment. Plus, I know I won't be annoying my boyfriend, or any friend for that matter, with my lack of participation in our conversations.

Looking to add a little monotasking to your life? Start with these mono-tips and you'll be on your way to more focused, mindful living in no time:

• When it's time to eat, just eat. Don't watch television or work at your computer while you munch. Not only is eating mindlessly bad for your waistline, but you are depriving yourself of fully experiencing the joy of your food when distracted by the TV. Remember, multitasking doesn't save you time in the long run - you can take 30 minutes to enjoy your meal and be a more productive worker when you return to your desk.
  

• When you're talking to someone, listen. This may seem like a no-brainer, but how often are we truly listening to someone when they speak to us? Even if we are not actively doing something else physically, we are often predicting what the speaker will say next, pondering our own personal issues, or trying to find a place to interject our own thoughts. Spend a day trying to fully engage in conversations with others, with an emphasis on listening - you might be surprised by what you hear!

• Talk yourself through it, one task at a time. Lately, when I start doing one task and then find my mind or my body trying to do something else too, I will say (either in my head or aloud), "It's not time for X right now, I'm doing Y". This may seem silly, but it is a very effective way to stay on task and strengthen your resolve to complete one task before starting the next. A quick reminder is often all it takes to finish what you started with full attention.
  

Self-Stereotyping

We all know the harm that stereotyping others can do, but there is another form of type casting that is just as wide-spread and it affects each of us every single day: self-stereotyping. Now this is my own personal term for the practice, but whatever you choose to call it I bet you will recognize these symptoms:

"Oh I couldn't wear a dress like that it's too colorful for me"

"I'm too stupid to get into that college program, I'm not going to even apply"

"I can't believe I ate another piece of cake, there's no point in going to the gym I'm too fat"

"I never have fun going out with my friends unless I've been drinking"

These are just a few examples of self-stereotypes I have heard among my friends.  What makes these statements different from plain old negative self-talk?  The key is that when someone self-stereotypes enough, they begin to believe it.  Let me give you an example from my own life.  

As a graduate student I spend a great deal of time studying, writing papers, reading, and sitting in class. I am constantly surrounded by over-stressed students and we tend to commiserate with one another about our busy schedules, piece-of-work professors, and levels of fatigue. In fact, we are not just commiserating; we are competing to see who is the busiest, who has the worst professor, and who is operating on the least amount of sleep.  After enough of these complaint sessions, I have started to believe that I am the busiest, most stressed-out student to walk the earth.

So what happens when we self-stereotype?  We prevent ourselves from experiencing change and growth.  When we self-stereotype we are limiting our openness to trying new things and our stereotype becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy by affecting our decisions: That means my "stupid" friend will never give himself the chance at an education, and my "fat" friend will never be willing to see herself as beautiful and fit.  As for myself?  I hope to break this cycle before I turn into a sleep-deprived stress-ball subsisting off of Top-Ramen and Diet Coke.  

How do we break the cycle of self-stereotyping?  More importantly, how do we stop self-stereotyping without losing our sense of who we are?  For many people, their own personal stereotype can be comforting; being the "funny one" or the "ladies man" helps us to understand our place in a group.  I have a few suggestions that may help all of us to quit self-stereotyping and start opening up to change without losing our sense of identity.

1. Identify your stereotype

The first step to freeing yourself from self-stereotyping is to acknowledge that your stereotype exists.  It may be helpful to make a list of the stereotypes you have given yourself.  My list may read something like this: stressed student, always busy/never has enough time, always gets the hardest professors, buried in work.  

2. Identify ways you encourage your stereotype

Next, it is important to recognize the decisions you make or the actions you take which play into the stereotype you have identified.  You might want to break down each item from your first list and think about ways you have lived up to that stereotype in the past.  Let's use my example again:

Stressed student - I get worked up over each assignment for class, I frequently hurry from one class to the next instead of enjoying the walk and talking time to relax

Always busy - I pack my calendar too full, I turn down offers to fun events because I don't think I have enough time

Always gets the hardest professors - I complain about how difficult they are and how they don't understand students

3. Identify alternatives

Now that we have outlined the ways we self-stereotype and live-up to those stereotypes, let's think about ways to start breaking down these mental constructs.  I think the most effective way to do this is to brainstorm simple actions to take that go against the stereotype you are trying to banish.  Let's return to my example one more time for some ideas:

Stressed student - If I were not stressed, I would walk comfortably to class, enjoying the fresh air and noticing the sun on my face.  I would smile at the people I pass and ask how others are doing.

Always busy - If I were not always busy, I would take time to do yoga each day and I would accept the invitations my friends gave me.  I would not overbook myself with work.

Always get the hardest professors - If I weren't complaining about how difficult my professors are, I could use that energy to visit their office hours and get to know them better.  

Notice that each alternative I chose is proactive.  If I took these actions instead of the actions I identified in step 2 I would no longer be playing into the stereotype of "stressed student", but rather "successful, balanced student".  So go ahead and make a list of simple actions you can take today that go against a stereotype you feel is holding you back.  It can be something simple or something grand - whatever you are ready for.  Perhaps you can relate to my friend that doesn't think she can pull off a bright red dress because she has always been a wallflower. Take a small step: try wearing red nail polish for a day and see how it makes you feel.  You might find that you like having a bit more color in your life after all!

As for myself, I chose to take the evening off from homework to do some yoga and write an email to a friend instead.  I still have plenty of time to finish my work during the week, and having some time to relax now will help me to better handle stress later.