Dealing with Uncertainty

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This evening I spoke with someone who is in the midst of making some big life decisions. They may be relocating, they may be making a big career change, their financial situation is likely to change dramatically, they have plenty of people depending on them, and all in all, they're facing a great deal of uncertainty. As someone who doesn't always handle uncertainty with a great deal of grace herself, the thought of being put in such a position is enough to make me clam up, shut down, crawl into bed and wish to never emerge. But there is one trick I recently picked up that really helps when you are facing an ambiguous future; spend some time focusing on the things that ARE certain.

For someone who breaks a sweat at even life's most mundane of decision points (7th Generation paper towels or 365 house brand?) it's easy to spiral into a repetitive, unproductive loop of "what ifs" when it comes time to make choices that really matter. Before you know it, your envisioning hundreds of alternate future selves. You can't begin to make a decision with so many unknowns. You begin to focus all of your energy on the factors you are unsure of - I don't know where I'll live, I don't know what the people will be like, I don't know how long I'll be happy with my decision... You may even point your laser of uncertainty on the past - questioning choices that have long been put to rest, doubting the moves you've made, blaming yourself for not handling situations the way you would in retrospect...

Stop. Focus on what you are sure of. Do you have a degree in molecular biology? That's fantastic! No one can ever take that away from you. Does your love of the opera give you reason to go on living? How lucky you are to have found such a longstanding passion! Do you have a family you would give anything to stay close to? 5 years of professional experience? A closet full of clothes that fit? A voracious appetite for reading with more than 600 titles under your belt? A devoted lover? Are you fluent in French or conversational in Cantonese?

It doesn't matter what it is you are sure of so much as that you are willing and able to recognize those constants. When you give yourself permission to take stock of the things that are certain, you'll find a much more stable base from which you can face the exciting future ahead. When you make this paradigm shift, you may find a sense of renewed confidence, discover an important decision making factor you previously discounted, or maybe just find enough of a break from the internal dialogue of anarchy that you finally catch your breath. In any case, you will be much better suited to make a rational decision - and remain sane - when you take the time to consider the steadfast certainties in your life in addition to the thrilling uncertainties to come.

Know Your Adult Education Center (AEC)

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A few months ago, longing for the familiar feel of a classroom and the excitement of delving into something new, I decided to take a class. Offerings at the nearby community college proved too costly, but the prices at my local adult education center (AEC) fit nicely in my budget - and the center was in walking distance to boot. Poring over the course listings, I ruled out anything centered on cooking (I almost made my pastry partner cry when I accidentally ruined all 3 of our confections in "Vegan Baking 101"), language (6 years of Spanish and all I can muster is an "hola"), or self improvement ($126 for "Choosing the Right Look for Your Hair"? I hope it comes with a professional foil). Still, I was left with plenty of possibilities - music, dancing, computer skills, writing, theater, and crafts were all up for grabs. In the end, I settled on the 6 week, "Introduction to Graphic Design".

Now I have to admit, as excited as I was, I had some preconceived notions of what the AEC would be like. The building looked cool enough, but I imagined its patrons would be of the silver haired variety, or the younger nerdy lost soul type (not so unlike yours truly). The inside would be a little sterile and depressing, a weird sour smell emanating from the Cheese Making Workshop down the hall, the relative quiet punctuated on occasion by a happy exclamation from "Predicting Your Love and Marriage: Workshop with a Psychic" in room 201. On my first night of graphic design I couldn't help but arrive a little early to scope out the scene.

Before entering the center I could see that I couldn't have been more wrong. The crowd in the demonstration kitchen filled the floor length windows facing the street. With a twist of the door handle came an outpouring of happy chatter and cheers that would rival a taping of Emeril Live. And while I did see a group of cute old ladies exiting one of the computer labs (my guess, "Introduction to Microsoft Word") my class was filled with young professional types looking to add to their skill set. My class was taught by a talented graphic designer with a proclivity for demi gothic typefaces who mainly teaches at the Art Institute. 6 weeks later, I was really happy with my experience and significantly more confident in my ability to make a kick-ass invitation.

If you haven't ventured to your local AEC before, it's absolutely worth checking out. You might surprised by the breadth of course offerings, the affordable rates, and the cool people you'll meet. If you're a commitment-phobe, most centers offer one-time classes or day-long intensives to get you started. Just Google your city + "center for adult education".

More or Less

Sometimes more just feels right. We yearn for more hours in a day. We want more time with the ones we love. We need more money in our pockets. We crave more sweetness on our tongues. We desire more shoes to fill our closets. We ache for more sleep in the morning. Sometimes it feels as if life would be so much better if there was simply "more".

But there's a counterpart to more that we often forget about when we proclaim that more will solve our conundrums, and that counterpart is less.

It may seem counter intuitive that less can fill the same needs as more. After all, any kindergartner well versed in opposites can tell you that more is to up as less is to down. But sometimes less provides us with the real solution when more is still but a dream.

We won't gain more hours in a day any time soon, but less commitments can provide us with the hours we yearn for. Less time spent planning for picture perfect memories (for example an ideal vacation), or working to save up for said memory producing events, can give us the time to recognize and appreciate the simple moments we have with those we love. Less money in our pockets may not be ideal, but it enables us to internalize that money and the various things we buy does not define who we are. Less sweetness, just like less saltiness or spiciness or tartness, will refine our palates and develop a finer and wider sense of culinary delights. Less clothing in our closets can remove the stress of deciding what to wear each day and help us to see that is it not just how we adorn ourselves that makes us beautiful. Less sleep... well okay less sleep is really no fun no matter which way you dice it.

There are times for more and times for less in all of our lives. Sometimes we turn to more because we need to feel filled from the moment we awake to the moment we drift to sleep. Lately I've been feeling the need for less, and it's filling me up in a way more rarely does.

Priorities, Part 3

Photo via Chris Bell Online

Over the past few days I've written about why prioritizing is an important tool in today's information age and how to take stock of where your personal resources are going. Today I am going to provide some guidance on aligning your priorities with your personal resource allocation. If you are not clear on what I mean by personal resources, check out Priorities, Parts 1 & 2.

Now that you've taken a clear look at where your time, energy, and funds are going and made note of what your priorities seem to be, it's time to sort out what you want your priorities to be and take action.

Carve out a good half hour to sit down and make a list of your priorities, what you want your priorities to be. What is important enough to warrant your precious time, your limited energy, and your hard-earned dollars? Don't censor yourself - jot down everything that comes to mind.

If you're having trouble getting started, imagine yourself the way you've always wanted to be. What do you see? Who do you spend your time with? How are your days spent? Where do you go? What does your living space, wardrobe, and community look like? I find this exercise really helpful for getting my creative juices flowing.

Once you've got a solid list of priorities, read through it a few times and see what really jumps out. Go ahead and start circling, starring, and crossing out as you wish. When you whittle it down a bit, it's time to take a second look at the personal resource log you made. How can you reallocate your resources to make the priorities you chose to focus on a reality? What activities are sucking up your time and energy now and preventing you from living the life you have imagined? Be bold, and if possible, cut them out of your life entirely. Now you can put your newly found resources to much better use - Towards the priorities you've deemed truly worthy of your time, energy, and funds. Towards the priorities that comprise your ideal life.

You might not have the time, energy, or funds to do everything you want, all the time. But by being honest about where your personal resources are going and prioritizing your desires for the future, you can be sure to make the most of your personal resources, and take a big step towards the life you've imagined.

Priorities, Part 2

Photo via Mental Health

Yesterday I wrote about priorities and why prioritizing is such an important tool in today's world of endless opportunities. So how can you make prioritizing work for you? And where do you begin?

For starters, taking time to set our priorities can help us take stock of where our time, energy, and funds - I refer to these as our personal resources - are going, and recognize where they could be better utilized. When we take the time to consciously prioritize our desires and commitments, we are giving ourselves the power to redirect where our life is headed. That's powerful stuff!

An easy way to take stock of what your current priorities are is to make a personal resources log. You can do this by creating a journal, chart, or spreadsheet where you log everything you do over the course of a week. Your log doesn't need to be too detailed, but it should include each activity, how much time you spent on it, whether it was energizing or energy zapping (this will vary for each of us), and the cash result (either inflow or outflow). Here's a couple examples:

Watched TV, 1.5 hours, energy zapping, $0 (you could prorate your cable bill here if you wanted)
Worked, 9 hours, energy zapping, $500 inflow
Dinner with a friend, 1 hour, energizing, ($40)
Played soccer, 2 hours, energizing, ($10) on a new team shirt
Showered, .5 hours, energizing, $0

Photo via Ask Miss A

The purpose of this log is to give you a snapshot of what your personal resource allocation looks like right now. Feel free to alter these categories or add more categories as you wish - maybe noting how you felt after each activity or who else was involved.

Once you have a week's worth of information in your log, it's time to tally up where your time, energy, and funds went. Take a look at which activities took up the most time. Recognize where the most money was spent, and earned. Note which activities zapped your energy and which revved you up. Finally, after looking at only your personal resource allocation, what do your priorities appear to be? Try to answer this question as analytically as you can, without letting your personal bias answer for you. You might realize that watching television or working overtime has become more of a priority than you'd like to admit, and that's important to be honest with ourselves about. Or perhaps you realize that where your personal resources are going is just where you want them, and that's important to see as well.

So what do you do now that you have an accurate picture of your personal resource allocation (and what your actions are telling you about your priorities)? It's time to reassess if your actions match you desires. Stop by next time to find out how.

Igniting your Creativity

Photo via Old Soles New Trip

As the days begin to shorten and the childlike excitement of summer begins to fade, often times our creativity begins to drain as well. But just because cool weather tends to bring with it a sleepy pace and less time for fun (read: leaf raking, snow shoveling, earlier bedtimes, energy lost to shivering) does not mean your creative endeavors must also cease. Here's a few, relatively easy ways to ignite your creative fire when all you want to do is park it on the couch with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

photo by Sarah Cates, Cates Imaging

1. Read

Read, read anything you can get your hands on - so long as it isn't work-related. Diversifying your reading is a great way to improve as a writer, expand your mind, and turn on the faucet of creative thoughts. Reading helps us to use our imaginations as we picture scenes in our minds, create faces and voices for each of the characters, and try to predict what might happen next. Even if you've opted to read something less fictional, the act of using our brain to read something out of the norm is a big flex to those cranial muscles. Result? A more creative you, ready to fire synapses, make connections, and come up with original thoughts at a moments notice.

2. Exercise

Exercising enables us to get excess, fidgety energy out of our system while providing us with a less distracting, slow-burning energy which lasts for hours afterwords. Exercising also gets blood pumping through both our muscles, and our brain, making it an ideal way to prepare our body and mind for a creative session; be it creating music, writing a story, or thinking about a new business plan. Exercise is also a great way to clear some of the day-to-day mental clutter that prevents us from moving onto extraordinary thoughts.

3. Listen to Children

When you listen to a child, you never know what might come out of their mouth next. Children have easy access to imaginations and creativity stores (not to mention a whole lot of love) that most of us have learned to stop-up over the years. Speaking with children - and truly listening - can help us to re-open the connection to our more creative, less censored selves.

Starting Small

Photo via Engaging Conflict

What are you doing today to achieve the life you dream of?

No, planning, pondering, ruminating, thinking, contemplating, speculating and musing do not qualify as "doing" in this context. What are you actually, physically, doing about your dream?

Often times it can be difficult to make the transition from thinking about the life we want for ourselves and actually making it a reality. Certainly, it is easier to daydream about what a better job would be like than it is to take action (get the training necessary for a new position, put together a revised resume, set up lunch meetings with people who might be able to help) - but only the latter option will set you on the course for attaining your goals. The former will likely lead to frustration and growing dissatisfaction.

Sometimes we put off taking action for so long that it seems almost impossible to start. We begin making excuses for why we cannot take action now (I can't exercise this week because I have too much work to do! I won't start my diet until next month because I have too many parties to attend and it will ruin my efforts! I couldn't possibly start saving my money now because the new fall designs are in at Nordstrom!) and slowly we start to believe them. If we make excuses long enough, they create a mental block that can prevent us from taking action and leave us feeling like we have no control over our own destiny. Fortunately, this is not the case - we do have control.

So how can we begin to take action when simply getting out of bed in the morning can sometimes seem too daunting a task? Start small. Make a little action today, do something small that will set you in the right direction and recognize yourself for what you accomplished.

Why start small instead of embarking on a new undertaking with a big bang? Starting small gives us the benefit of being able to take action, to start doing, today. No matter the circumstances we are living in there is always a small action that can be taken to make progress towards a goal. Also, starting small is an easy way to break the cycle of excuses and self-doubt we create for ourselves. For example, if you spend 15 minutes working out this morning you realize that despite a busy work schedule you can make an investment in your health. Slowly, the excuses you once made will begin to melt away.

What are you doing today to achieve the life you dream of?

Go ahead and take a single, small action that will bring you closer to your dream. Congratulate yourself for taking that first step, and get excited to take another tomorrow. Over time your confidence will build and your small actions may grow. 15 minute jog this morning? By next week 20 minutes will be a challenge you are ready for. Edited your resume this weekend? Sending off 10 job applications by Friday is much more attainable now. Tried a new, healthy breakfast this morning you loved? Swapping your usual danish (or worse yet, coffee and a stick of gum) for more nutritious fare will come much easier now that you have a yummy alternative.

Sometimes we do not take small actions because they seem insignificant; do not be fooled. Small actions are the catalysts for big change. Need more convincing? Maybe the words of Lao Tzu, Chinese Philosopher and Taoist big-cheese, will speak to you:

Great trees grow from the smallest shoots;
a terraced garden, from a pile of earth,
and a journey of a thousand miles
begins by taking the initial step.

Apartment 303

Photo via Chinese Garden Scene

Rain drops trip from leaf to leaf on the trees outside my bedroom window. The constant buzz of insects rings in my ear, a harmony to the hum of the air conditioner down the hall. A faint breeze from the doorway kisses my cheek as I quietly wait for the temperature to become sleepable. My limbs rest heavily on the mattress, still warm from the rays of the afternoon sun, smelling slightly of pool water from today's dip.

Tonight I will fall asleep 2,015 miles from apartment 303, and a world away from the academic life I have left behind. Back on the east coast, in the bedroom that was my only piece of the world for 18 years, I have returned to begin the newest chapter of my life; one which involves a full-time job search, the rediscovery of my hometown and the city to the south (where ,with any luck, I will be relocating), and the anticipation that only uncertainty can bring.

It was somewhat sad to see apartment 303 packed up into suitcases and boxes, stacked in lonely piles next to the backdoor stoop, awaiting an alleyway pickup. The unit was my haven for the past year, and the place where so much creativity bloomed. But I have lived enough to know that places and possessions serve only as the context we give to experiences - the tangible assets that help us to quantify and make physical our emotions and experiential memories.

And so it is that I look forward to whatever will come next. While I may have said goodbye to the physical apartment 303 in Denver, it is with my whole heart that I embrace the less tangible essence of what apartment 303 stands for. Apartment 303 is about learning continuously, exploring indefinitely, and finding peace and true satisfaction in the simple things - exactly what this blog is all about.

Renewal

Photo via Before I Sleep

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote always brings me a sense of renewal after a challenging day. The rain is joining in tonight, rinsing the wounds of a hurtful comment, clearing the dust of an office bought, and washing away the gentle film that settles in when stagnation replaces change. I am feeling ready for some change myself. Disenchanted with the status quo, it is time to shake things up and find some new inspiration. What isn't working for you lately? Today brings the chance to make a change for the better. Seize it with everything you've got.

Food for Thought, and Your Stomach

After finishing some reading at the park the other day, I noticed an inscription on the plaque below the bench I'd been sitting on. There could not have been a more timely question for my thoughts that evening, and I enjoyed the words so much I had to go snap a photo today to share with you. In case you have trouble seeing it, the plaque reads: What are you most passionate about in your life? How would people know it? 

I made some delicious Spicy Sunflower Seed Dip as a filling afternoon treat today. The dip (pictured in the red bell pepper) is a combination of raw sprouted sunflower seeds, lemon juice, fresh garlic, cayenne pepper, and a little soy sauce for some added punch. It turned out so well - a really healthy alternative to prepackaged dip and super easy to make. All you have to do is soak the sunflower seeds for about 12 hours, then drain the water and allow them to sprout for another 2-4 hours*, and finally blend them with whatever seasonings you like. Next time I might try making a cool version with fresh dill - the perfect compliment for some sliced cucumbers on a hot day.

I served my dip with cucumber slices and purple bell pepper. Yes, PURPLE! Have you tried this before? I'm a big fan of red, yellow, and orange bell peppers but when I saw purple I had to give it a try. It was yummy, nothing crazy different though and unless it was on sale I probably wouldn't go for it again. However, the purple color did make for a gorgeous addition to the spread. Once I'd finished dipping all my veggies I ate the whole red pepper with the remaining dip. Yum! It was the best part.

*In case you're wondering what this soaking and sprouting business is about, it is a great way to get major nutrition out of seeds that are brimming with enzymes and easy to digest. It also makes the seeds easy to blend for a creamier texture. I realize the process may seem a little daunting, but it is worth the wait. Plus, think of all the extra love that went into your meal!

Lazy Sunday: Reading Up

It's another Sunday night of homework, laundry, and putting away groceries for me, but if I were to have a lazy Sunday this week it would look something like this. It must be the recent holiday that has me yearning to learn more about the issues we're facing domestically and educate myself about the current affairs and cultures of others residing on this fine planet of ours. Of course, educating oneself is best done from a stylish chair in a contemporarily well-lit room while donning a pair of old-school specs. Sipping a cocktail may dim your wits, so I'd opt for some fresh squeezed grapefruit juice to keep your mind, and palate, sharp. Naturally, when the time comes to join some equally enlightened companions for a deep discussion about the most fascinating tidbits you learned, you'll reach for your minimalist wooden briefcase to tote those dog-eared issues of the Economist and the New Yorker for quick reference. 

Yes, you can really buy this unique beauty of a briefcase designed by Japanese industrialist Takumi Shimamura. Check out the details at this roughly translated webpage. 

What will you educate yourself about this week? 

Mission Statements

Having spent many years studying business, the importance of a strong mission statement is not to be underestimated when it comes to a company’s (or any organization’s) success (for-profit or otherwise). But it turns out that mission statements are a powerful tool for us as individuals as well. A personal mission statement is a great way to focus your reason for getting up each day into a single, succinct blurb.

So what’s the purpose of a mission statement? It can be your mantra when you need an extra boost to pursue your goals and a reminder of what’s most important in your life. It can also serve as a compass for decision making – helping you to evaluate options in terms of whether or not they will support your self-defined ultimate purpose on this earth. Perhaps most importantly of all, the process of crafting your mission statement can be an empowering experience; opening up your imagination and your heart to possibilities you may have dismissed as naïve or improbable in the past.

So what makes a good mission statement? Any business student will tell you it’s a short (ideally a sentence in length)  articulation of your reason for operation that is specific enough to be measured but broad enough to ensure you have a purpose for many years to come. If you need a little inspiration, Google your favorite businesses and check out their mission or vision statements. In fact, a particularly good example is Google itself. You can find this text on Google’s Corporate website.

“Google's mission is to organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful.”

Notice that Google hasn't pigeon-holed itself, the organization is able to keep this mission even as technology changes. Once you have some solid examples to get your wheels spinning, block out a little time for yourself to do some soul searching. If you’re having trouble narrowing down what your purpose is for your mission statements, here are a few questions to get you started:

•    What topics get you excited, agitated, bring out the rawist emotions in you, or maybe even get you angry when they arise in conversation?  What is it you’re so passionate about that gives rise to these emotions?
  
•    What activities do you look forward to the most? Which of these activities  give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment?
•    When was the last time you woke up and bounded out of bed, ready to take on the day? What did you do that day that gave rise to this feeling?

For some of us, crafting a personal mission statement that sticks may be a simple task, while for others it may take some serious reflection. Maybe you are already living your mission statement each and every day, and that’s wonderful! Or maybe your true purpose is to create a more peaceful planet as an animal activist and you work in a puppy mill – that’s ok too!  You’ve now taken the first step to reaigning your actions with your life purpose.

My own mission statement is a work in progress, but the groundwork is in place. Here’s what I have so far: To help others discover health, happiness, compassion for all beings, and a curiosity about the world around them. While I still have some fine tuning to do, I think this statement really sums up what I feel my purpose is.  

Tune in next time for some more tips for creating YOUR mission statement and making it a reality!

Self-Stereotyping

We all know the harm that stereotyping others can do, but there is another form of type casting that is just as wide-spread and it affects each of us every single day: self-stereotyping. Now this is my own personal term for the practice, but whatever you choose to call it I bet you will recognize these symptoms:

"Oh I couldn't wear a dress like that it's too colorful for me"

"I'm too stupid to get into that college program, I'm not going to even apply"

"I can't believe I ate another piece of cake, there's no point in going to the gym I'm too fat"

"I never have fun going out with my friends unless I've been drinking"

These are just a few examples of self-stereotypes I have heard among my friends.  What makes these statements different from plain old negative self-talk?  The key is that when someone self-stereotypes enough, they begin to believe it.  Let me give you an example from my own life.  

As a graduate student I spend a great deal of time studying, writing papers, reading, and sitting in class. I am constantly surrounded by over-stressed students and we tend to commiserate with one another about our busy schedules, piece-of-work professors, and levels of fatigue. In fact, we are not just commiserating; we are competing to see who is the busiest, who has the worst professor, and who is operating on the least amount of sleep.  After enough of these complaint sessions, I have started to believe that I am the busiest, most stressed-out student to walk the earth.

So what happens when we self-stereotype?  We prevent ourselves from experiencing change and growth.  When we self-stereotype we are limiting our openness to trying new things and our stereotype becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy by affecting our decisions: That means my "stupid" friend will never give himself the chance at an education, and my "fat" friend will never be willing to see herself as beautiful and fit.  As for myself?  I hope to break this cycle before I turn into a sleep-deprived stress-ball subsisting off of Top-Ramen and Diet Coke.  

How do we break the cycle of self-stereotyping?  More importantly, how do we stop self-stereotyping without losing our sense of who we are?  For many people, their own personal stereotype can be comforting; being the "funny one" or the "ladies man" helps us to understand our place in a group.  I have a few suggestions that may help all of us to quit self-stereotyping and start opening up to change without losing our sense of identity.

1. Identify your stereotype

The first step to freeing yourself from self-stereotyping is to acknowledge that your stereotype exists.  It may be helpful to make a list of the stereotypes you have given yourself.  My list may read something like this: stressed student, always busy/never has enough time, always gets the hardest professors, buried in work.  

2. Identify ways you encourage your stereotype

Next, it is important to recognize the decisions you make or the actions you take which play into the stereotype you have identified.  You might want to break down each item from your first list and think about ways you have lived up to that stereotype in the past.  Let's use my example again:

Stressed student - I get worked up over each assignment for class, I frequently hurry from one class to the next instead of enjoying the walk and talking time to relax

Always busy - I pack my calendar too full, I turn down offers to fun events because I don't think I have enough time

Always gets the hardest professors - I complain about how difficult they are and how they don't understand students

3. Identify alternatives

Now that we have outlined the ways we self-stereotype and live-up to those stereotypes, let's think about ways to start breaking down these mental constructs.  I think the most effective way to do this is to brainstorm simple actions to take that go against the stereotype you are trying to banish.  Let's return to my example one more time for some ideas:

Stressed student - If I were not stressed, I would walk comfortably to class, enjoying the fresh air and noticing the sun on my face.  I would smile at the people I pass and ask how others are doing.

Always busy - If I were not always busy, I would take time to do yoga each day and I would accept the invitations my friends gave me.  I would not overbook myself with work.

Always get the hardest professors - If I weren't complaining about how difficult my professors are, I could use that energy to visit their office hours and get to know them better.  

Notice that each alternative I chose is proactive.  If I took these actions instead of the actions I identified in step 2 I would no longer be playing into the stereotype of "stressed student", but rather "successful, balanced student".  So go ahead and make a list of simple actions you can take today that go against a stereotype you feel is holding you back.  It can be something simple or something grand - whatever you are ready for.  Perhaps you can relate to my friend that doesn't think she can pull off a bright red dress because she has always been a wallflower. Take a small step: try wearing red nail polish for a day and see how it makes you feel.  You might find that you like having a bit more color in your life after all!

As for myself, I chose to take the evening off from homework to do some yoga and write an email to a friend instead.  I still have plenty of time to finish my work during the week, and having some time to relax now will help me to better handle stress later.