Recently Read

My 2021 goal of reading 40 books is off to a roaring start, thanks in large part to the continuing global pandemic and a total lack of other entertainment options. In 16 days I've knocked out four titles - two nonfiction, a novel, and a graphic novel. I hope to diversify my reading list this year in terms of format, subject matter, and authors, though I did just finish two books that are fully in my typical wheelhouse: Sourdough by Robin Sloan and Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton... two totally different books that I thoroughly enjoyed and want to remember. 

When I picked up Sourdough at the library last week (on the recommendation of my favorite bookish podcast, Reading Glasses) I discovered it was written by the same author as Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore - a book I devoured last year in just a few sittings. Sourdough quickly became a new favorite, though this time I forced myself to put the book down and savor it a bit more slowly. And savor I did. The story follows a young female protagonist navigating a demanding coding job in San Francisco when she discovers a new takeout spot serving spicy soup and sandwiches. The food is the first hint of magical realism in the story that quickly takes on a mystical element. When the cafe's owners unexpectedly leave the country, they gift her a crock of sourdough starter which becomes a character in and of itself. 

All the lovely descriptions of bread had me drooling throughout the book and I very much want to know what the "Double Spicy" takeout tastes like (well... aside from "spicy"). The quirky characters and lovable protagonist had me hooked already, but I was totally delighted when the storyline started examining the tension between old-world food traditions and tech-driven consumables.  Here's one quote from that subplot that I really liked (as spoken by the "librarian" at the funky food market): "...I have come to believe that food is history of the deepest kind. Everything we eat tells a tale of ingenuity and creation, domination and injustice - and does so more vividly than any other artifact, any other medium..." 

On a completely different note, we have Happy Money - an examination of how certain spending habits can make us happier, as confirmed by hundreds of studies and peer-reviewed articles. For a research-heavy text, the authors found a way to make this book fun and engaging from start to finish. The book focuses on 5 principles of "smarter spending": buy experiences, make it a treat, buy time, pay now/consume later, and invest in others. Some of these may seem like no-brainers... buying the experience of a vacation is likely to bring us more happiness than a new electronic gadget, right? But others are a bit less intuitive... we will actually derive more happiness from that vacation if we pay for it well in advance. 

The book walks through what each of the five principles means in practice, and how we can use them to increase the joy in our own lives as consumers. But it's easier said than done... not just for us regular folks, but even for the authors themselves. "We selected the five principles in this book not only because each one is supported by rigorous research, but also because many of us - including the two of us - don't always follow them. Why? Because we mistakenly believe that we're already spending money in ways that will make us happier - the flatscreen TV and enormous house in the suburbs just feel like they'll provide lasting happiness. So, one reason why people's efforts to try to get happy often fail is, well... it's just not that easy to figure out". 

Now that I've finished several "comfort zone" books this year, I'm ready to push myself into less familiar territory. Next up in nonfiction: Wilmington's Lie (The Murderous Coup of 1898 and the Rise of White Supremacy by David Zucchino) and White Fragility (Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo). And for some fictional contrast: Nothing to See Here (by Kevin Wilson... it involves kids who catch on fire when they get upset... but I think in a funny way, not a horrifying one). 

Lazy Sunday: Pancakes

I give you my heart
on a sticky maple plate.
The morning unfolds.

This particular Sunday was spent:

Eating pancakes

Drinking the last trickles of grapefruit juice over the sink

Bird watching and river listening

Walking... cold hands and colder ears

Reading on the couch

Tucking in early

Something Creative

I may have gone a bit overboard with new years resolutions this year. Perhaps I am making up for all the years I eschewed resolutions as pipedreams built solely for disappointment. But my sluggishness in 2020 and desperate desire to have something - anything - within my control has become quite a motivator. So, instead of one or two resolutions, perhaps one of my eight will be a success. On tap for 2021 we have:

• Eat less sugar 
• Read 40 books 
• Complete the Reading Glasses reading challenge 
• Do 15 workouts per month
• Focus on my mental health
• Buy only second-hand clothes
• Reach 75% equity in our home
• Do something creative every day

"Eat less sugar" is a classically bad resolution in its lack of specificity and, not surprisingly, I'm not off to a great start there. It turns out I finished exactly 40 books in 2020, so reading 40 this year should be doable, and the Reading Glasses challenge will push me to pick up some more diverse books. As for the workouts and mental health goals, I have some external accountability mechanisms in place for those which should help. Buying only second-hand clothes and increasing our home equity through extra mortgage payments are both existing habits cranked up a notch. 

It's the last resolution, though, that I'm most excited about. I miss writing and having a consistent creative outlet. Rediscovering this blog was a reminder of how therapeutic and rewarding writing is to me. I started this website when I was finishing my master's degree. Rather than finding it a drag to spend more time typing at the computer each day, it was energizing. Exploring different ideas and letting my creative juices flow was almost addictive. I cannot believe that in the first year I wrote a post nearly every other day... just for the fun of it! 

But I decided not to pigeonhole myself with a writing resolution this year, opting for the more open-ended "do something creative every day". I wanted the emphasis to be on exercising creativity daily, not so much on any particular format. This does beg the question, though... "What is something creative?" 

For the purposes of my completely arbitrary goal, I have decided that the following constitute "something creative":

• Writing something (anything) on this blog
• Writing a real deal, long-form letter, so long as it requires a fair amount of thought, careful phrasing, and at least one poorly drawn image for effect
• Drafting a poem
• Making a collage 
• Handcrafting cards (bonus points for use of reclaimed and recycled materials)
• Anything that requires me to set up my sewing machine
• Planning and cooking a cohesive multi-course menu (food is my love language and my favorite art form)
• Filming and editing videos
• Leading a book club discussion (I hesitated to include this, but I think moderating requires quick creativity as you form your own original thoughts and weave a shared narrative with those of others)
• Thinking up new activities to add to this list

One week into 2021, and while my sugar consumption is up I have succeeded at "doing something creative" each day. I really hope to keep this momentum going... for the creativity that is, not the sugar. So I'll leave a quote here from Elizabeth Gilbert's wonderful book Big Magic as an inspiration to myself and anyone else who needs to hear it. Elizabeth's book is all about creative living in the most generous sense of the phrase:

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them... A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner—continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you—is a fine art, in and of itself.”  -Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Not Letting Go

As we bid "Good Riddance" to 2020, there is no denying the allure of what the new year may bring. Vaccine distribution? Yes! Our favorite restaurant reopening for on-site wining and dining? I really hope so. The ability to travel to... well, anywhere? It's hard to even imagine, but maybe! 

This year has been terrible in countless ways and before the ball dropped last Thursday I actively let go of many things. My regrets from the year. Self-criticism for the way I spent (er, wasted) my windfall of free time. Anxiety and lost sleep over all of the unknowns. Sadness for the experiences we didn't get to have. Internalized stress for what loved ones were going through. 

But as with any difficult season, 2020 taught me a great deal. As much as I chose to let go of, there is more still I plan to carry with me. And so, before I head back to work and the year gets rolling in earnest, it seemed a good time to reflect on a few things I wish to take with me from 2020.

Having all the time in the world

I have been fortunate to work from home during the past 9 months. But aside from the 9-5 timeslot on weekdays, my calendar was completely blank. As a person with no children, I had a glut of time on my hands.  The minimal tasks I'd give myself to do - say, cooking dinner - would expand like a sponge into the evening hours. I would take my time arranging all my ingredients on the counter... measuring spices into tiny bowls like I was on a cooking show and slowly and perfectly chopping my vegetables into their desired shape and size. What did I have to rush for? There was no where for me to go and every minute spent in the kitchen was one less minute I'd be sitting up awake worrying about the state of the world. So I took my time. 

Some nights I would even shoo my husband from the kitchen after our meal and insist on doing the dishes. In normal times this was unheard of - he always cleans up and I think we even worked that arrangement into our wedding vows. But these were not normal times, and I was desperate to busy my hands with whatever was available. 

As the world has slowly opened back up, my amount of free time has begun to shrink a bit. As it does, I've notice that the speed at which my mind and body move has quickened. I no longer have all the time in the world. I have... just slightly less than all the time in the world. That change was just enough to trick my brain into thinking I better get a move on. But I'm going to fight back against that change of pace. I liked taking my time cooking in the kitchen. I liked lingering over the meal longer. I also liked not rushing a phone call, playing with the dogs for as long as they wanted, and getting lost on walks because I had no where else to be. In 2021, I hope to continue acting as if I have all the time in the world.

Practicing yoga outside

It was a turning point for my mental health when our local YMCA reopened for socially distanced, outdoor exercise classes. Regardless of the weather, I started going to my favorite teacher's class religiously. Turns out the cold wasn't so bad once we got moving (and I got better at layering up appropriatey). After months spent cooped up in the house, I had a new appreciation for sun salutations in the actual sun. In 2021, I hope to take advantage of more opportunities to practice outside, even if the mercury's low.

Gratitude for my health

I am extremely lucky. There's no other way to explain the fact that I have made it this far in life experiencing such good health. Sure, I do some things that probably help. I exercise, and being vegan is shown to improve lots of health outcomes. But life is extremely random and you never, ever know what is coming next. Cue a global pandemic.  

One thing I developed this year was a tremendous sense of gratitude for my health. I had started to take for granted that my body could do nearly anything I asked of it. To be clear, I would never ask it to run a marathon (or 5k for that matter) or jump into a frozen pond... I know my limits. But we humans acclimate quickly to the status quo, and I long ago stopped thinking my body was incredible. I forgot how fortunate I was, and that it may not always be that way. So, I wish to carry with my renewed gratitude for my health with me into 2021. 

Reading more

I started 2020 with a modest goal to read 25 books and finished the year with 40 titles under my belt. All that extra time at home helped, and I also got into listening to books on tape and challenged myself to try out all kinds of new-to-me genres (sci-fi and graphic novels especially). I also hopped back on Good Reads and have enjoyed getting recommendations from friends old and new. The rekindled interest in reading and exploring different worlds/perspectives/experiences was one of the highlights of the year for me, and a habit I plan to continue into 2021 and beyond.

Well, hello old friend!

Look at this little corner of the internet! It still exists! I honestly forgot I had this old blog, and despite the permanence of everything on the web, I thought maybe it would have disappeared. But no - here it is! And no dustier for the negligence, either. 

 As one of many goals for 2021, I have decided to reinvest myself in the practice of creativity. After tossing around a few different iterations of "a resolution", I landed on "Do something creative every day". Writing has always been my favorite way to make something, and I suspect it will be my medium of choice for most days. As such, a place to write was necessary and that's how I ended up back here. Because anonymously putting words out into hyperspace (? I don't know how the internet works) is somehow more motivating than jotting them in a book. And I love the idea that a stranger in Poland might accidentally end up here and read something I wrote. I love reading things strangers write on the internet! I aspire to be among them. 

When I first started this blog, I was living in apartment #303 in on-campus student housing at my alma mater. It was the first and only period of my life that I lived alone. It was wonderful. And terrible. I love to be alone for about 3 hours, and then I start clawing the walls. But #303 was good to me. It had old, avocado green appliances and an adorable little pantry that was always minimally stocked with a confusing assortment of vegan fare... tamari and frosting-less PopTarts (really, what's the point?) and some Australian wine I bought at Target because it felt the height of decadence and adulthood. I distinctly remember keeping a honey bear and frozen, raw cashew halves on hand to make tiny little nut and honey sandwiches to eat as I studied. Now that I'm thinking about it, those really were a good snack. Like a tiny little squirrel-approved Oreo. 

A photo from the original Apartment #303. I had a mattress on the floor and this nightstand I found in the trash... but it was home!

Anyway, after apartment #303 I moved back home with my parents, then in with a boyfriend, then a series of roommates, and then to a shared apartment with the man who would become my husband. My window of solitary living lasted less than a year, but I relished that time. In retrospect, the name of this blog seems fitting. As Virginia Woolf would say, we all need a room of our own. So, welcome to my room. I hope you like it here and enjoy reading some of the things I have to say. Apparently when I stopped writing here (way back in 2012) I thought this blog was about "living beautifully, healthily, and fabulously" and stamped that on upper right-hand corner of the website for all to see. LOL! I don't know much about that now, and I definitely didn't back then. Not really sure what I'll focus on moving forward, so I'll leave the dated info up until something takes shape. 

Aw, this is me! A little baby version back in 2009. I still love riding my bike. 

Perhaps you received this message via email and are thinking, "What the hell is this?" Sorry! At some point, I had subscribers who were 85% obligated family members and 15% supportive internet strangers. There should be a big fat "unsubscribe" button somewhere you can hit if you want out. But if you're even a little happily surprised to see this I hope you'll stick around. I could really use the motivation to get back into the groove of writing regularly. I think any sort of creative outlet is a little like riding a bike... but the bike is now caked in mud and the gears are all jacked up so you might not fall off but getting started again takes way more effort than you remember. So, I'll be here, trying to push through the gunk, and I'd love your company. 

Lazy Sunday: Spring Clean

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It's that time of year again - time for decluttering, cleaning up and cleaning out, and generally shedding the detritus left over from the hibernating winter season.  The whole practice of cleansing one's space is incredibly energizing and liberating.  When we let go of excess stuff physically, it becomes that much easier to let go of the mental clutter too.  

Donating clothing that fits poorly or doesn't serve your lifestyle?  Toss out those negative thoughts about what your body "should" look like along with them.  Letting go of those single-function kitchen gadgets that have turned your drawers into a cluttered disaster (goodbye garlic peeler, gelato scooper, too-small wine stopper...)?  Embrace the knowledge that you can do without so many distractions in your life and focus your energy on fewer things that are truly worth your time and effort.  Discarding pantry items that have seen better days?  Just like that half-eaten package of raisins circa spring 2008 may be past its "best by" date, so too are habits and notions that are preventing you from moving forward in your life today. 

Don't forget, spring cleaning isn't just about making space for more stuff.  It's about letting go and finding satisfaction and abundance with less.  

Memory and Time

"Monotony collapses time; novelty unfolds it.  You can exercise daily and eat healthily and live a long life, while experiencing a short one.  If you spend your life sitting in a cubicle and passing papers, one day is bound to blend unmemorably into the next - and disappear.  That's why it's important to change routines regularly, and take vacations to exotic locales, and have as many new experiences as possible to anchor our memories.  Creating new memories stretches out psychological time, and lengthens our perceptions of our lives."

Joshua Foer, Moonwalking With Einstein

I just finished reading Joshua Foer's book, Moonwalking With Einstein - it's a fantastic read about Foer's experience as a journalist exploring the world of competitive memorizers and his own training for the US Memory Championships.  If you enjoy learning about the brain or groups of what some might call really eccentric people, I would highly recommend checking this one out.

One of the ideas that really stuck with me in the book is how memory influences our perception of time.  I've always hated the old cliche that the years go faster and faster as we get older - but now it actually makes sense to me.  When we're young we learn new things constantly.  We're exposed to new experiences all the time, and those experiences "anchor" our memories.  Our routines change regularly as well - from the time we go to bed at night to the activities we might participate in after school or on weekends, to the people we spend time with.  Psychologically, time moves slower because the novelty is endless.

But as we age, our routines solidify.  We do pretty much the same things from day to day.  We interact with the same people.  We take in the same types of information.  Without new "anchors" in place, the days blur together and before you know it we're saying annoying things like, "Can you believe it's already April!?" or "Each year just seems to go by faster than the last."

found 

Thank goodness there's an antidote to this trite chit-chat.  Changing up our routines, trying new things, pushing ourselves to mix it up in our day-to-day lives is good for our brains and the key to feeling like the weekend just got that much longer.  Time might fly when we're having fun, but in retrospect it actually elongates. 

So what are some ways to put this principle into action?  It doesn't take an attempt on Everest or a month long retreat to Bali to drop an anchor in place.  Small changes can be equally as effective (and much better on your bank account).  Try making something totally different for your breakfast this week.  Visit a new place and do something fun and out of the ordinary for you - maybe an easy hike at a park you haven't been to before or checking out a museum that sounds interesting to you.  Go on an inexpensive adventure with a friend, like a trip to a rock climbing gym for an introductory course or a painting class at a fun spot like The Paint Bar.  Volunteer for a few hours somewhere new.

I have been playing with this principle a bit and it really does work.  For example, last weekend I headed out of the city (something I don't do very often) to spend my morning volunteering at a farm.  This experience changed my scenery, my usual Saturday routine, introduced me to new people, a new place, and even exercised my muscles in a totally different way than I'm used to.  The result?  The weekend felt way longer than normal.  I know it will be a day I'll remember for years to come, anchoring my memory in a sea of what would otherwise be regular daily work life and tepid weekend outings.

Hanging with the pigs, dropping an anchor.

I will definitely be pushing myself to try more new things and create more novel experiences for myself - if nothing else to stave off those tired old cliches about the speed of time - and I hope you'll join me!